RANTING

This is just going to be a rant about whatever nonsense comes to mind.


I have so much I would love to blog about but I don't even know where to start. It probably seems like I've been neglecting posting any blog entries, but I've been so busy. It's not that I don't have anything to blog about, I ABSOLUTELY DO, however I'm really trying not to be impulsive with my writing. I don't want to be that one person who blogs every time something happens. So instead I just dwell on things first and if they seem to linger long enough , I tend to blog about them... or at least plan to ! HAHAH.  You see , my mind is always racing and thinking and dwelling and KLJASDKLJASKLDJASD. EXPLODING WITH THOUGHTS. I don't really know anything for sure anymore.

The following are a few of the  things that I am most certain about.

1. I desperately need to work on my relationship with God.

2. I would , in a heart beat, take a bullet for my Mother and two younger siblings. If it weren't for them I don't even think I would be able to function. My love for them is indescribable.

3. I'm trying to work on my relationships with my co-workers. I've blown them off a few times , and I feel bad. It's not that I don't want to hang out with them. It's just that my insecurities always get the best of me. They try so hard though & I think that I should stop letting my insecurities get in the way of things.

4. I'm almost 92 percent sure that I'm bipolar . I have really bad mood swings.

5. I want to travel

6. I want to be happily married one day

7. I  have a very very bad dog/cat phobia

8. If I could replace some of the close relationships I have  now , with ones I've had in the past .... I totally would.

9. I would love to make a career off of music , but once again my insecurities would just get in the way.

10. This blog entry is about 4 days old, because

I kept getting distracted each time I went to write it.

"We're happy, Free,Confused and Lonely at the Same Time"

These song lyrics seriously define my life so perfectly.
I know it's just another over played Taylor Swift song , but seriously swifty has it correct!
I'm truly happy with life and how it's going right now, but I can't help but feel lonely sometimes. That's the sad thing.  I seriously have some of the best friends a girl could ask for but sometimes I  just feel content like... not overly happy but not overly sad either.

 I miss my old friends. Obviously there are a few I could give two shits about , however  there's two who will always hold a special place in my heart. I seriously have had some of the best moments and times with these people. I will not mention their names here or anywhere else . But I will always be forever grateful to them for teaching me to take every opportunity life hands to you and to always be bold and courageous.

Let's give them pretend names so that I can explain this easier, hmm okay so Tori and Jayden.

Tori , till this day I can honestly call my soul mate  Which says a lot, considering we are not close anymore.This person knows my deepest darkest secret that I have never really uttered to anyone else and she understood me like no one ever has. Its's weird cause, I always find memorabilia and notes randomly in my room from her and I get such bad nostalgia. Till this day I have never found that same friendship. It's sad. The falling out , was one of the worst falling outs I have ever experienced. It sucked and I would never put myself in that kind of position again! That whole friendship  became so toxic and overwhelming that we both just gave up. I'm so proud of her though, she's gone to do such great things in life that I know for a fact she wouldn't have done if we were still friends. I was really selfish and controlling throughout our whole friendship, and I know that sorta kept her back from doing some of the things she liked ! I'm not bitter about it anymore though. I'm seriously so happy and excited for her and her future en-devours  We still keep in touch all the time is which good!

With Jayden, things kinda just went south very unexpectedly.  So i'll  just keep it short and sweet. I miss her a lot. Our friendships had ups and downs and consisted of a lot of hurdles but in the end she was such a good friend to me. The falling out was quick and unexpected. At first I felt fine , but as time went by I realized that I had actually lost a good friend. I have no means of knowing how she's doing , because we completely cut each other out and have not talked in almost a year now. Sometimes I think that's for the best though. However I really do hope she's fine and that she's been able to overcome her adversities.

Sometimes I wish I could have one day of the week to go back in time and just relive the crazy and fun moments I had with these people. They understood me so well and I shared a unique bond with each individual which I will never be able to share with another human being.


As I have said before and will continue to say , I love the friends that I have now. I'm sure if we ever had a falling out ( WHICH I PRAY WILL NEVER HAPPEN) , I would be writing about the wonderful friendship I shared with each of them as well. They too have been so good to me and some are like sisters to me who I will never be able to thank enough for always being there for me. They make up  the " HAPPY AND FREE" part of the lyrics , which at the end of the day always defeats the " confused and lonely". I will always be forever grateful for those I have been graciously blessed with.

It's kinda funny cause the people who know me well enough will be able to decode all the code names. But whatevs.

& WITH THAT I LEAVE YOU WITH ED SHEERAN & HIS WORDS OF WISDOM.
XO.

WELCOME.

I'm really not trying to jump on the bandwagon here by making this blog. I'm not really a writer, honestly I find that I express myself better by speaking. But my mouth has definitely gotten me into trouble way too many times to count. I guess the reason that I started this blog was just so I could simply have somewhere to release my thoughts. Usually I run to twitter for that kind of stuff , but a person can only do so much with 140 words. I want this blog to be hundred percent honest and raw but unfortunately that comes with a price. I feel like I should be careful about what I post , but I simply don't even care. If you can't handle the truth or if you're going to associate every post I have to be about you then you should just stop reading now. I don't mean to be rude, but i'm being honest. Don't waste your time reading it. I used to have that problem. Where I would associate all the angry Facebook or twitter posts that my friends would write, to be about me. Sometimes i still think like that , but I try to convince myself otherwise. Of course there will be people who will come across this blog who do not know a clue about me or who I am , but that is something I'm going to love; people getting to know me and having a little bit of insight into my life. I love meeting new people ! Simply because I like  being surrounded with a variety of people because that means a variety of outlooks and perspectives about life. I really hope that each and everyone one of you who comes across this blog will take sometime to read it and maybe even take something away from it. You don't even have to like it , just read it (:. Once again,   I'm not some intellectual philosopher or some deep writer. Just a girl expressing her thoughts.